Today was a strange day – as many of them are – and one that prompted some introspection around a feeling that I sometimes struggle with: loneliness.
I am in the midst of setting up an office for our Denver based company, in Switzerland – not a small task.
As I do this, I am gradually passing on many of my roles here in the states, to others in the company in order to free up more time and energy for the Europe project.
Doing this has a been bitter sweet – and has presented ample opportunity for me to question both what the hell I’m doing, as well as how the hell I’m going to do it.
Embarking on a mission like this often creates isolation, or, at least the feeling of it. Because I am so engaged in this new venture, and probably more so, since this new venture is on the other side of the world, it can tend to be lonely and scary sometimes.
This afternoon, I was talking to a good friend of mine who is going through some seriously trying times on a spiritual and emotional level – also experiencing some lonileness. At one point in our conversation, I was noticing how beautiful she looked (please excuse the cheese – it’s the truth) as well as her energy toward me and the conversation – it was good.
So mid- conversation, I had the thought, “she’s doing fine – look at what she’s surrounded by, look at her job, her house, her friends, family, etc.. – “. It was an observation in which I became genuinely stoked for her. The realization that I had, however, was this: until she believes the same things I observe about her and her life (doesn’t have to be the same as me, you get the gist), nothing will change for her.
She believes that no one appreciates her, then no one does.
That she’s lost, then she is.
Your thoughts and beliefs are everything.
Another, stranger realization, that surprised me, was the perspective that this observation brought me.
As I stood there talking with her, aware of her beliefs around her current situation but also holding my own observations around what I know of her, this fact hit me harder than ever.
It was so strange – I’m not even sure if i can articulate it, but it was like I was an outside observer of myself, in this lonely scared place – looking at me, thinking about how whole I am.
I think she is whole and perfect now.
Maybe I’ll remember the outside observer the next time I’m there.
After all, most of what we worry about and stress over and pour our thoughts into are black holes that take us no where.
Playing with the idea that “all looks good from the outside” might be something to explore.
Take a step back, create space around the situation and appreciate the things, relationships, sources you have. Look at yourself and your situation as an outside observer – maybe even write some of these thought down.
And just as a side note, I’m not suggesting you ignore or cover up your feelings by doing this, just asking you to I invite space and light into a sometimes very dark, very lonely tunnel. It might help you see things a little clearer.
And that is exactly what I’m doing now.