I have been home now for three weeks – the longest span in as long as I can remember. My plan is to stay within this timezone for at least a month. To remain in or around Colorado for a time – to establish a routine, rekindle some relationships, learn new joys of this place i am currently calling home.
It’s been a dynamic couple weeks, to say the least. Lots of crying, uncomfortable feelings of lonliness, discontentment, anxiety on the one hand, and on the other, some charged feelings brought on by new experiences, new people and fresh perspective. What I’m realizing, is that I have a slight additction to stimulation – excitement and the unknown. When I’m traveling, it’s always new – every single day brings a new challenge, a new view, a different language, intriguing personalities, inviting trails… When you’re in these situations, where everything is brand new, you are alert and present. Senses are heightened, as is awareness – both for survival and awe.
While this is a beautifully zen state to be in on a regular basis, in my case, it also allows me to ignore certain aspects of self. [I tend to talk about the internal battles that I have here, quite often – not because I’m into the drama necessarily, but because I do think it’s rather therapeutic to get them out of my head and into space.] So when I’m traveling, yes, I am evolving many amazing parts of my self that I am unendingly grateful for – and will continue to do for the duration. However, as I’ve been home now for a couple weeks and am observing the thoughts, feelings and emotions that arise as I settle into this familiar landscape, energy and relational pattern, I am experiencing some straight up withdrawal symptoms – as I would imagine quitting drugs is like.
So my challenge to myself now is to see my world with new eyes. To approach this familiar environment as if I’ve never experienced it before – like all these Ohio’ns who migrate here by the thousands. This place, Colorado, is special – I just need to rekindle my relationship with the earth here. Show CO the same love I’ve showed all the other places I’ve been in the past 12 months (which is a shit ton), because this place has shaped a very cool part of my self. The dry pine forests, pokey pine needle carpets, weekend cookouts, long cross-country ski trips, thin air, mine tailings, mountains, amazing people, family.. hmm… this was a good list to start. I’ll probably be working more on this – the things I really love, or am grateful for in CO. To be continued…
The glitch in my mind, however, is that this is what I *think I should do – it’s not necessarily what I feel I should do. I guess with any relationship, unless you give it your all – and commit to making it the best it can be, nothing is going to change. There are so many cross overs in life and love – another interesting one to ponder.
I will update here on how this goes. And I’m just going to say that I reeeeeeeeally love water, so even though I’m committing to Colorado, I’m always going to retreat to water – a submerge heals my soul so sweetly. Just sayin. 😉
Rocky Mountain High